Dieting Tips for the Modern Woman

Now I know a lot of people are tying to lose weight these days, so, I decided to give the world a few pointers!


1: Calories don't count if you eat in the dark.
2: Samples at Costco don't count for calories
3: If you are eating with friends calories don't count
4: If a cake has happy birthday written on it, then it has no calories
5: If you eat while exercising the calories don't count (standing, walking, and flexing your glutes while sitting, counts as exercise)
6: If somebody gives you the food(you don't buy it) then it has no calories
7: If you only take ONE bite of the said food item no matter how big, there are no calories.
8: If you eat in front of the TV the calories don't count. (the radiation from the TV counteracts with the calories)
9: Frozen foods have no calories because only hot food has calories.
10: If nobody sees you eat it then it has no calories.


Now that you know these tips you can have a beautiful bikini model body in no time!