My Mom Eats Horse Biscuits

Yesterday my mom went grocery shopping and brought home what looked like a box of Shredded Mini Wheats. I was wrong. Even though the box looked like this:

I opened the box and there were 6 mini paper bags inside (...wtf?). I opened one out of curiosity and I pulled out a horse biscuit the size of my face. Okay, so I guess it wasn't really a horse biscuit. (But it looked like what a horse biscuit would look like if they existed, and they probably do... but I don't raise horses so I don't contain this knowledge.) Anyway, I nibbled a corner of the giant shredded wheat. it tasted like nothing, so I took a bigger bite. This was a mistake.







It tasted like I was eating pure fiber. I don't even think my stomach could digest any of this cereal. Maybe it's not even real shredded wheat? It's probably just miniature bales of hay made by elves or fairies. But if it wasa made by faries then it would taste good. So I have come to the conclusion that it is cereal. Some sad people must really enjoy eating this pathetic fibrous and tasteless cereal. I'll just stick to searching through the box of Frosted Mini Wheats until I find a peice that is satisfyingly covered with frosting.

Friday?!

Okay, so recently a song came out by some girl named Rebecca Black. I've decided it's the worst song i've ever heard. What do you think?

Chameleon? No, Cat.

Can you see the cat in this picture? You can barely see where it ends and begins!!

Random Fact of the Day

A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside. That's like a Hippo Eating Mrs. Bateman in one bite! :)

Makeup

Going through the day really takes a toll on your makeup. You keep rubbing your eyes cause you are tired.  You eat food and rub your face. So if you look like this at the beginning of the day.

beginning of day

end of day

You usually end up looking like this at the end. Notice how her hair is bizarre looking now and her eye makeup has somehow gotten rubbed all the way around her eyes. Her perfect lipstick is now rubbed around her mouth and her beautifully blushed cheeks are now half rubbed off. Also her eyes are now bloodshot from not enough sleep. But hey, what can you do? Good things never last they say.

The Perfect Cure for Male Pattern Baldness

Male Pattern Baldness is an epidemic sweeping the nation. Luckily, I, Erin Wyness have found a cure. Its called the.... (Drum roll please) badadadadadadadadadadaaaaaa......The Yarmulke! This Jewish fashion accessory has been around so long and no one has ever thought to use it as a cure to baldness. till now. Here are some before and after pictures to show you the amazing transformation. 

BEFORE (look at that unsightly bald patch!)

AFTER (look how un-bald he is!)

 

Brian Reagan

Here is a youtube video of one of the funniest comedians ever! Brian Reagan!! There's not an actual video of him but it is his speech. So just listen and laugh at this bit on being stupid in school :)Mrs. Hollingshead you should laugh at the part talking about plurals :)
 

Random Fact of the Day

A way you can tell if you're whispering or not is to put your hand at your throat. If you feel vibrations, you're talking. If you don't, you're whispering.

B Batteries and Stuttering

  

Jokes.com
Demetri Martin - Stuttering
comedians.comedycentral.com
Demetri Martin Stand-Up Demetri Martin Jokes Demetri Martin Person Videos

The lack of B Batteries have always confused me. Luckily Demetri Martin cleared it up for me. 

Ruby Red

I have always wondered why they refer to grapefruits as being ''Ruby Red". I mean have you ever seen a grapefruit that is actually red on the inside? No. Because they aren't red on the inside. they are pink, like a salmon colored pink. I decided that they should start referring to grapefruits as "Salmon Pink". But then realized the sound of a fish flavored fruit was disgusting. So, I guess we'll still have to stick to "Ruby Red".

Random Fact of the Day

On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily. So, I recommend you check the home videos, genetics, or hospital records. ....You never know. Weirder stuff has happened...

Action Figures

 

Yes. You are seeing correctly. Those are Twilight: New Moon action figures. These wonderful high-quality photos were taken with my very own cell phone camera inside our local Shopko. I'm sorry to tell you, Action Figure Company, but you are really running out of ideas now a-days. Edward and Bella Action Figures? I mean I can see it if you made a Jacob Figure. Look at those abs! but Bella? and Edward? That's Just Disappointing.

Dunkin' Donuts

I am really disappointed in the lack of Dunkin' Donuts in the state of Utah. If you have ever been anywhere on the east coast you have probably seen a Dunkin' Donuts coffe shop before. I have to say that whenever I go back to good ol' New York we always stop at a Dunkin' Donuts first. Due to... Uhm, religious restrictions? Most of the inhabitants of Utah will never experience the joy that a piping hot cup of coffee (cream and sugar please!) and a donut from Dunkin' will bring you. Because after all, America runs on Dunkin':)

Sleep-less

I have recently realized that I have lost the ability to sleep. Some reasons why I never go to bed before 11:30.
#1. I have way too much homework. (curse you, foul beast!)
#2. I always decide to take a shower at like 11:00...
#3. I procrastinate taking showers and doing Homework
#4. Criminal Minds is always on at night. I LOVE criminal minds. (Because I love criminal minds so much my mom thinks I'm a homicidal freak or something)
#5. I love night time. It is so cool:) therefore, I do not want to go to bed.
#6. Sometimes I come home and then fall asleep on the couch watching Ellen. (I love Ellen too) but then I don't wake up till 7 o'clock.
#7. I have basketball(tuesday, wednesday, thursday) until 5 and then dance at 5:15 to 6:30(on Wednesdays)
#8. I don't even think I can go to bed "early" Anymore because I have trained myself not to. (bad Erin!)

I was thinking about taking sleeping pills or something to help me, but then remembered all those crazy stories you hear about people who like jump out their windows because they think they're birds or stories of people sleepeating, sleep talking. Sleepwalking, and others. So with the desire to mantain sanity I have decided to suffer the insomnia.